All The King's Horses and All The King's Men ...

Couldn't put Humpty together again. And they can't put my life back together again either. I have two hugeee issues in my life right now that I'm just unequipped to handle.

1. Sorority.

I don't enjoy being a DAT girl anymore. I like planning events. I like running events. I enjoy hanging out and talking to those who talk to me - but there's a fair few who don't seek out my company. I didn't do anything to them. I attempt to talk to them and get to know them. But then I am accused of not trying, or not being friendly and flexible. I am friendly. I am flexible. I seek out everyone, I try to get to know each and every girl. It's hard, when there's 30+ girls in the group, but I think I do a good job. So why am I targeted, picked on, hated? I don't know what I did or how to fix it. It's either stick it out until the drama makers go away, or go inactive - and my life can't take anymore stress these days, so inactive is looking pretty good.

2. Home

I don't like living at home. I miss being able to set my own standards and rules. When I lived alone, my room was cleaner than it is here, my kitchen was clean, the living room got cluttered, but there was six of us. I cleaned, I stayed organized, and It was excellent. Here, I fight with everyone I live with, I get yelled at for not cleaning the kitchen I don't make messes is, I get yelled at for not cleaning my room, even though it's my space and no one else has to see it. I fight with my mother constantly. This morning we fought and I cried all through out church, even though it was a church session where I had to be strong and support my council and my decision to not renew our ministers contract. I was very unfocused today and that caused issues. I feel like I'm the brunt of all the anger in the household, and I get accused of being selfish and needy and controlling and pushy. But if you talk to people I work with, at McDonalds, at church, at school, those people can see that everything I do, it's so that someone else feels better. My main concern is always other people, but at home I'm apparently selfish and I don't see it. I can't take it here anymore. I really want to move, but it's not a feasible option for me right now, financially. Plus, when I eventually move I want it to be on a good note, not because we're fighting. I just really miss being me, running my own place and on my own time.

I miss Florida and Disney and Vista Way so much. I want to go back so badly, to work and to live and to be in the sunshine.